Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
