Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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