I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
