seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
