Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
