I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
