When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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