White coat. Heels.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
