i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
