wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
