I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
