you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
