just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
