halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize