Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
