SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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