Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
