That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
