I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
