you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
