If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
