Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't put those talents on a resume
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
