do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
