FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
