I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
