i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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