Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
