i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
