I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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