we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
