So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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