She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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