note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
