apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
