i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
