well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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