Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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