Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
