One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
