just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
