My balls are so social today.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
