One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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