i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize