I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
