So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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