i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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