Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
