On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
