its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
