I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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