fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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