I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
