I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
