just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
