Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
