I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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