we have officially lost it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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