My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
