Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
