I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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