the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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