I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I checked into jail on foursquare
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
