you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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