"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
