you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
