WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
