We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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