Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
