he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
