You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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