you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
