Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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