Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
