Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she peed on how many people?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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