garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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