Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
