I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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