I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
