I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize