He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
