Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
