I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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