I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
