Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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