Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
