worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
