i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
