Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
