She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
