I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize