How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
