Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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