So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
