Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
