Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
