Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
