our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
