listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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