so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
