i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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