Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
