she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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