so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize