he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
