I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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