He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
