At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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