We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize