So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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