Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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